Brought to You by Clotted Cream: Because it Tastes as Good as it Looks. Yummy!

Sorry about the delay between posts. I've actually had to pretend to be a student instead of a tourist the past two weeks in order to finish all my assignments. I actually finished my term papers a week before they were due because my parents are going to be here tomorrow and I had no intention of doing any kind of work while they were out having fun. However, this will be the only time in my life that I do not procrastinate. After all, I have spent 17 years of school turning procrastination into an art form and intend on applying it regularly. But, that being said, I have plenty of fun little tid-bits that I've done, seen, and experienced since last time. I'll start at the beginning.
Last Saturday, July 5th, I went to go see Spamalot. Excellent musical, though quite cheesy and if you're a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I'd rank Spamalot below it. Though it was a good show, highly amusing, and enjoyable, some of the numbers were just too over the top. Think American Pie funny vs Mel Brooks funny. Mel Brooks will always reign supreme, sorry kids. I also happened to go see Spamalot, which was in a theater just up from Leicester Square, during the middle of London's annual Gay Pride Parade. And yes, it happens to be in the middle of Soho which is Boy's Town. I've never seen so much leather in my life. Though, I have to say I did enjoy watching the two beefy, hunky men selling underwear in their little tighty-whities despite the fact that they were much more interested in each other than they would ever be me. First time ever I wish I had been born the other gender, but alas, God blessed me by making me a woman. If only I had been just a little more unlucky at birth...But I digress. I also believe that the sailor hat is going to replace the rainbow flag as the insignia of gay pride because after about thirty minutes of walking around, everyone and their boyfriend had a little white sailor cap that they had bought for a couple pounds from the guy walking around selling little white sailor caps. And here I was thinking gay men were fashionable. Guess it goes to show that everyone makes mistakes.
The following Wednesday I went and saw Wicked. Oh My God!!!! Sorry, I don't normally get so carried away, but it was, by far, the best musical I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot. It didn't beat out Lion King in terms of costume and set design (I don't think anything ever will) but without a doubt musically it reigns supreme. The cast I saw was also fantastic. Wicked is a difficult story to carry vocally since it probably has some of the most powerful songs I've ever heard and I didn't put too much stock on anyone outside of Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth actually being able to pull it off, but the cast I saw did an excellent job.
Then this past Friday I had a required class field trip to Cambridge. I didn't mind at all, especially since in the past I have looked at applying to Cambridge for their PhD in English Literature. And I'm so glad I went. It was so much fun. If you ever get the chance to go to Cambridge, trains leave from King's Cross Station every 30 minutes or so and you should do it. The town itself is beautiful and the college is fantastic as well. It's small, old, idyllic, and very interesting. I'd also recommend taking a punting tour of the grounds. Punting being a small, flat-bottomed boat propelled across the water with a long pole. Yours truly even got to punt, until the silly girl in the boat next to me ran into my boat and I was horizontal in a vertical river...It didn't end well. But everyone was dry and safe when they got back to the docks, I promise.
So, the story of Cambridge goes as such:
In Oxford there were horrible riots between the students and the townspeople. One night, during a particularly terrible riot, a group of students escaped Oxford and ran to Cambridge where a teacher of theirs lived. He continued to teach them, away from Oxford, and that is how Cambridge began.
Like I said, if you get the chance to go, you should. It's architecturally beautiful, historically rich, and tourist friendly, though it does get a bit crowded so come early or stay late.
Also, another interesting tidbit of information. These cows:
that graze in front of Christ Church College, have to audition for the honor to do so. They are apparently the most beautiful cows in the area. They also have to tap dance and sing 16 bars of a popular song. I heard Simon Cowell was hard on them, Paula tried to ride them, but Randy was the deciding vote and they got it. Way to go, cows.

Lions and Tigers and Ann Coulter...Oh My!

So, I was riding the escalators at the Holborn Tube station, today, looking at all the bright posters that are supposed to draw your eyes away from the monochrome doldrum of rush hour with promises of beach vacations, tightly muscled bodies, and fantastic adventures, and I thought about all the ridiculous things that I've seen in London, such as, advertisements for a beach vacation in the Tube while most people's minds are very, very far away from the beach. I wonder how many people actually call the number at the bottom of that poster, because on their way to work they were impulsively struck with the desire to go to Morocco and simply had to dial that number, riding up and down the escalators multiple times until they got all the numbers right. Hmm, perhaps the mental image is a bit more adequate when you've actually been at the Holborn Tube station during rush hour, but alas, I digress. Anyway, I thought I'd make a list of the ten most ridiculous things I've seen so far in London, and amazingly enough, underground beach vacation posters do not make the list. So, here we go. (Think David Letterman here people)

10. The guy walking down the street with the two foot tall spiked mowhawk. (Please understand that I have no problems with the "Punk" lifestyle, but instead am humored by the irony of a lifestyle that supports anarchy causing someone to force their hair into a preconceived notion of a certain institution, i.e. punk, which therefore goes against the very thing they're supposed to stand for. That, and the guy probably spends more time than the average super model in front of the mirror trying to convince the world that he really doesn't care).

9. Everything is now a musical. Do you want to see Lord of the Rings, Gone With the Wind, and Billy Eliot all set to music with lots of singing, dancing, and choreography? Well, here you can.

8. Taking number 9 a step further, who's interested in seeing the musical "Into the Hoods". That's right. Into the Woods goes urban. And no, I'm not making this stuff up. I couldn't if I tried.

7. Mopeds! Well, for a motorcycle rider like myself, it's pretty self explanatory. But to see two grown men, one in short pink shorts with a tennis racket and the other in a business suit, both wearing white cue ball helmets riding the same little black moped, well, it just sticks with you. But I am amused by all the moped riders in business suits, their little ties flapping in the wind. It kind of makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

6. Property Values. OK, so this one's a bit more serious than the last, but I can't understand why property values are significantly higher in London than they are in places like New York City and Los Angeles. I mean, seriously, they are ridiculous. I saw one that was $1,000 US for a bedroom and ensuite bathroom a month, but you had to share the apartment with another couple, and it wasn't in a particularly expensive part of town.

5. Tourists, mainly from my program. I cannot tell you how many people in my program have gone to stores like Gap and Nine West, all of which we have back home, and bought things at about twice the price it costs back home. It's the same with fast food. "Ooo, I'm in London for six weeks. I think I'll have a Big Mac and that blue cable-knit pullover, no, the one on the other shelf, yes, that's it...Hmm, well now what can I do?"

4. Tube announcements: When things go wrong in the US, normally it's veiled by the Powers that Be. So if a bus or train has problems, it's due to a mechanical problem, equipment problem, or some other code term that could mean anything from, bus driver had to take a potty break to the engine's about to explode. What do they do in London: "We are currently suffering severe delays on the Piccadilly because of a person under the train."

3. Rush Hour. I'm sorry, maybe it's just because where I come from, rush hour means someone's tapped a new keg and if you don't get to it in the next five minutes you'll have to wait for the skinny kid in front of you to finish his keg stand and that's totally going to kill your buzz, but people here seriously freak out during rush hour. In Bloomington, early morning on campus kind of resembles a funeral procession. Lots of dour, sad-looking students, taking very resolute steps as if attempting to walk the plank and yet do it with courage and grace. But here, it's a free for all. I think I saw a woman in high heels and a tight black skirt try to pile drive a man in a business suit for space on the train. And, I'm pretty sure some of the mopeds are packing heat-seeking missiles for those pesky traffic jams. I've never seen so many people running, jogging, sprinting, pushing, shoving, back handing, sucker punching, eye gouging...well, you get the point. But you'd think after a certain amount of time, people would have learned how long it takes them to get from point A to point B and could do it without causing physical violence.

2. Dolce and Gabbana: Please, understand that I have no problems with fashion what so ever. What I do have problems with is the headless torso of the heavily muscled, very ummm...well endowed man that I see in tighty-whities every morning when I go to the South Kensington Tube Station. Mainly because, no matter how many times I walk by that large poster nearly as tall as I am, he will never come to life, step out of his poster, whisk me away on his white horse (which has suddenly materialized in the South Kensington Tube Station) and take me to live happily ever after in his mansion on the edge of Lake Como (which has also suddenly materialized, just go with it). Ah, Dolce and Gabbana, how you tease me.

1. The Snake Stone, a book by Jason Goodwin. Which I have seen posters up all over the place for. Let me simply close with this as to why it is the most ridiculous thing I have seen in London. It is a story about a detective. Sounds harmless enough. I have 9 words for you. 19th-Century Ottoman detective, who happens to be a eunuch.

Good Night, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Safe Travels!
~P